Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Reflection
When I first started on Prozac, I knew I was having some ‘off ’ days
and I was feeling depressed but I didn’t think depression was an actual
condition. I just thought everyone felt depressed sometimes and that it
was an emotional reaction to the stress of everyday life.
When I attempted suicide it was because I wanted the emotional
pain I was experiencing to end for good. I could no longer deal with the
stress in my life. I no longer wanted to live my life.
Self-Medicating
During my life, I have socialised with many people who have drug
dependencies: people who rely on alcohol, marijuana or ‘stronger’ illegal
drugs to get through the day. These people used to justify their addictions
by saying things like ‘I can’t sleep unless I’m stoned’, ‘I need to take the
edge off ’, ‘I’m an angry person and dope calms me down’. Looking
back, I cannot help but think they all could be suffering from depression
or some other mental disorder and are self-medicating to ‘escape’ the
emotions they are experiencing. They may be suffering from depression
and not even know it.
Suicide Books
I have read a couple of novels about the effects of suicide. I have read His
Bright Light, by Danielle Steel, about her son, Nick Traina, who suffered
from depression and consequently committed suicide. The book contains
diary entries made by her son Nick, leading up to his suicide.
Another book I have read is Melanie, by Melanie Woss, edited and
compiled by Fiona Giles. This book was also written after the main
character, Melanie, had committed suicide. Fiona Giles compiled pictures
and hand written notes by Melanie, along with Melanie’s journal entries,
into this novel. I actually came across this book while I was in a charity
store. I bought it for $2, took it home and read it.
If depression is such a huge issue globally, why has a book that has
been written on such an important topic been left on a shelf gathering
dust in an op-shop?
My book
I am one of the very fortunate people, still alive and having my depression
managed. I did not want my book to be compiled and published after
my suicide – when it was too late. I wanted to compile and publish my
book myself, and provide useful, informative information for others who
are suffering from depressive illness, or have a friend or family member
suffering from depression.
I put together this book myself in the hope that it may prevent a
depressed person from committing suicide.
Many people who have spent time around a depressed person may
wonder what goes through the depressed persons mind: ‘What are they
thinking?’, ‘Why did they say that?’, ‘Why did he/she do something so
stupid?’ My book will provide some insight into the thoughts that go
through a depressed person’s mind. My book shares with the reader my
experience with depression, not a textbook explanation of depression.
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